Archive for May, 2008

Ass Crack

May 27, 2008

A local bike shop team just got their much ballyhooed new uniforms this week. It seemed a vast improvement over the solid black of last year. However, the switch to all white was ill-advised. On April Fools every year, all English-language cycling mags always run the same “White Bibs are banned by the UCI” headline. Large segments of cycling fans buy the gag, mostly because, damn it, white bibs should be banned! Mike and Dave were proudly flashing their new asscrack uniforms–and they haven’t even seen a washing machine yet!! It started raining just a tad, and things got really ugly. At least Mag wasn’t wearing his orange thong. Chief Reimbold promises to have his ass crack waxed, and I’m going to hold him to it. Dave has a friend….


You guys may be interested in getting a few pair of these little marvels, the Champion Brief Supporter. My oversized cajones necessitate wearing a jock in all but race situations, so I’ve been training in these for more than a decade. Once you develop the proper callouses, they’re great!



Rivendell Saluki

May 23, 2008

Andy Hampsten’s supercool Moots manufactured titanium travel/touring bike was featured recently in I noticed he had these exceptionally cool tires from Rivendell–33mm road tires with just a hint of texture. Gorgeous tires, and they looked like something that might be a real option around here on a cross bike (or the Chief’s wide-brake special, which is what the Giro-winning Hampsten runs).

The tires are there on Rivendell, and I came across a curious new model they have. The Saluki! Unfortunately, it’s being discontinued, as they no longer want to be associated with Salukis. Still, this is a gorgeous bike!! Not many left….one in 58cm….


May 19, 2008

I managed to drag Molteni away from his taping and painting yesterday. We did a nice little road ride down Old 51 and up into Alto Pass. We decided it was time for refreshments, so we bombed down 127 towards new Jackoffs, where Doug and Sharon were playing. About a mile South of the destination a little prick (see picture above) in a black Jaguar buzzed us, coming less than a foot away from us even though the other lane was totally free and we were riding the white line as best you can at 30mph with a tail-crosswind. As we approach Jackoffs, I can see that the Jag has pulled into the parking lot, which was pretty full. We pulled into our usual front door parking spot, and Mr. Micropenis approaches Molteni and gets in his face “do you have something to say to me”, the little prick blathers. He repeats his little drama to me, and I reply “Actually, you came dangerously close to us for no reason, but I didn’t say anything.” He gets up in my face and tries to act like he’s bigger than his 5-foot-nothing, and proceeds to call me a boy. “I’m older than you, dude, I just look better. And, Illinois has a new three-foot law that started this January, you might want to observe it.” At that, we followed him into the building. We were greeted with the usual wonderful hospitality of the Von Jacob’s crew, who immediately said “Cave Creek?” and proceeded to serve us–while ignoring Mr. Micropenis (who walked in ahead of us). Doug and his percussion buddy came up to say hi, and talk about our riding….Mr Micro didn’t stay long…..

After we thought about it a while, Molteni and I came to the conclusion that Mr. Micropenis probably believed we had pulled into Jackoffs expressly to kick his ass, or at least confront him about his dangerous driving. I hope he felt like as big of an asshole as he is when the fourth employee came up to greet us–you’re the outsider prick here Mr. Micro, not the guys in spandex.

Limp Wrist

May 17, 2008

I finally ventured forth to the Pine Hills this week, and managed to make it up via Hutchinson Creek. You can’t drive it in a car because one of the bridges is washed out at the foot of the climb. You can tell from the view at the top that the flooding is still a serious issue. I tried to do the Big Muddy Levee on Tuesday, and it’s closed at the first gate. I don’t cross those federal gates, they patrol the levee when there is flooding. What with all the homeland security and with me being an Iranian Redneck, I thought it best to turn my attention to Pierson Road and the dreaded Abneyville Horror. That was fun. Yesterday I returned to Hutchinson with Roberto for a nice jaunt through the woods. It’s REALLY feeling remote out there, since much of it has been undriveable since before the ice storms. If you do it, be careful. The roads wash out on several downhills and other unexpected places.

Big thanks to Big Dale for mounting me this week. What with this limp wrist, I can’t even stretch a rubber. But, the new wheels are now dressed out with some really sweet new Conti Competitions. These are MUCH better tires than the Vittorias. They’re perfectly shaped and glue up nice and round with no bumps or humps.


May 11, 2008


Wow, the Sandia race looks kindof hard. Should be fun…..

New Wheels….

May 5, 2008

Team Mack is back on American Classic with a vengence. When I first joined, AC was one of our best sponsors. But, we moved over with Zipp and then Mavic.  I always regretted not getting a set of the AC carbon tubulars back in 2002. Robert Kron was still running an old pair not long ago. They’re wickedly light wheels on a standard platform, nice rims, superlight hubs, and great spokes. The old 420s I bought instead are still the fastest clincher I’ve ridden. The new versions are even lighter, and Uncle Gary won Forest Park on a pair of the 58’s…

I just got my 58’s this week, and they are superlight! I put them up next to the Mavic Cosmic Carbone Pro’s I’ve been running for the last 2.5 seasons, and there is no comparison.  I’m stretching out a set of Conti Competitions, and hope to be mounted soon…Sandia Crest awaits.